...where to begin...
cold, been so cold. and windy, especially in the early mornings, if not throughout the day and night. maybe because it is so quiet out at that time, that we notice the wind even more. supposedly the Viking Ragnarok is today... it got me thinking about the cyclic nature of things in general.
there are a lot of strange things happening in the world and the planet itself, foretold chaotic events that are heralded by weather patterns changing drastically. 'booms' heard, actually sharp seismic movements underground. the earth is beginning to tremble, closer and closer to Lavenderland. rivers becoming poisoned with coal ash and arsenic, sulfuric acid. unusual migrations or whole disappearances of various species of wildlife.
and so much destruction happening within the nations, between the nations. man-made terror and chaos, nuclear factories still leaking, protests and riots, and so many shootings...
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as for myself
my dental appointments, after having been arranged and rearranged, both on my part and the office's, have finally gotten underway. the one meant for December 31, i got done just a few days ago. it was a big filling-the dentist said that it should have a crown on it, but their office did not do it, or perhaps my insurance couldn't cover it. either way, i was knocked out for a day or so, sleeping off the novocaine. and i scheduled my cleaning, it coincides on my birthday, that's one way to remember it. but i should still put it on the calender nonetheless.
went through reevaluation of our lease to stay in this house earlier this month, and then inspection came to check, that the stove worked, the toilet flushed, and that the smoke detectors were working. making sure everything was safe. we are still awaiting the letter of approval in the mail.
still trying to keep the house as clean as i can. got some orange scented furniture polish and dish scrubbers, a big jug of lavender bleach. need some more dish soap and toilet bowl cleaner though and maybe some disinfectant spray. paper towels would be nice, but i've made do with dishrags to soak up spills so far. just a bit ago i washed the shower floor and the bathroom floor. and i vacuumed in every room but our bedroom.
something i managed to do(that i'm proud of), is i cleaned out the car. it was terrible-some books under the driver seat had gotten wet, and froze, and the process surely repeated for several months. they were frosted over and dusted with mold. originally they had been in a plastic bag, but it shredded around the solid mass when i tried to pull it out. i had to get in the drivers' seat and move the seat back and forward to dislodge it, then i had to sort of excavate warped book by book, chip away at it until all were thrown away. and it was cold out, snowing delicately with the wind being the worst, chilling me badly even though i had on several layers. maybe all the moving around helped keep me warm. the passenger side floor was extremely cluttered as well. now i only need to vacuum it out. i REALLY wish my older brother would help at least a little, but i guess its all part of me 'being independent' and whatnot. it has not been warm enough to air the car out, so for now i changed the hanging refresher.
i need to trim my bangs again. i did back in October sometime, so it takes about 4 months for them to grow back long enough to get in my eyes and bother me. i want to trim the back as well, but i don't want to do it wrong even though its probably growing out all wild and funny anyway, at least in comparison to the neat regular haircuts i used to get when my mother was still alive.
...it is fortunate for me and my husband that this month is so short, the shortest in the year as a matter of fact. seeing as how my EBT comes in monthly, i received a letter stating i will be getting only thirty dollars for February*_* that along with my grocery check still only leaves us with under 80 dollars for food. our caseworker said that there was nothing we could do...only supplement it. so we've been really, really having to stretch our meals, make them last.
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looking back, i see how different i've become than the person who started this deviantart account, back in the fall of '07. perhaps the bare frame of my old self remains, but so many things-people, possessions, whole ways of life-have been subtracted, my way of thinking changing here and there over the years, age and infirmity progressing, disorders strengthening. priorities switching. goals altering slightly. about seven years i've been a deviant now. roughly in the middle is when my mother died, which sped along my change to the one who types this now. and i predict another plunge into darkness when my father passes.
many of my earliest journal entries were so minor>< i no longer feel that they merit a title, let alone be lyrics meaningful to me.
...hmm. i should look through them. and while i'm at it many of my favorites need reorganizing. maybe some of my older pieces that seem mediocre because now i know i can do better or at least get a different result, i should delete. to make room. and clean up my scraps.
Lavenderland is still closed to outsiders. i apologize to my newest watchers, you who arrived in the midst of this sudden retreat, this necessary barrier to my realm. i talked about this in the previous entry, but i might as well mention it again. i used to be all for free requests, given that i had no shortage of art supplies and my heart was big and warm and for the most part, untroubled. i didn't use to block others, either. the harassment and incessant asking through notes was far easier to bear when i still had my immediate family alive and well supporting me. but things change, don't they. i do not accept points or money for commissions. having requests granted solely depends on whether i Like you, or Not. and the fact that i am running on limited energy and supplies. inspiration relies heavily upon mood, and reactions rely on the day i've had. i only have one rule that remains unchanged, my kiriban. catch 25,000 views and show me-and i will draw one request for you, regardless of whoever you are, provided it falls under dA's standards. plus dedicate the finished kiriban to you. the rest who are my friends, you know that this doesn't apply to you since you've proven your friendship to me so i already like you, don't worry and i still have you in mind, the ones i've already promised drawings too. thanks so much for your consideration and patience