i didn't get to make a Last journal entry of the year... so many things have been happening to me, one after the other, i just haven't gotten around to it. or something interferes one way or another. so about two, three months have passed since i wrote. hmm. for one thing we need a new calendar. i'm assuming they are affordable at the Family Dollar across the road. i need some manilla envelopes, too. do stamps ever expire? i never thought of it.
...the kitchen cabinet still needs to be repaired, another screw or hinge maybe. the bathroom sink needs refastened or something, its out of alignment with the drain pipe so it empties directly out onto the floor. -_-' ...for now we've placed a coffee can under it. the light over the kitchen sink went out, has been out for a while, now. our coffeepot broke, it just didn't pump water through even though i cleaned it throughout, yet it was a couple years old. our friend helped us get a new one, a very wee one in comparison to the old, but its been a good little coffeemaker these past long, frigid months, has served us well. its been so cold that repairs can barely be made...the toilet is losing pressure so it takes a very long time to flush, and sometimes leaks. but At least it does flush. and the washing machine overflows here and there. we've been trying to do smaller loads so it doesn't spill over the pipe in the laundry room. my husband and i believe that our extremely high electric bill has to do with using the washer and dryer at the same time. unusual, perhaps but that was one thing our first landlords warned us about was NOT to do that, in case a fuse blew(this is a very old, strange house). very lucky for us, we only blew a fuse once or twice last year, around the middle of October. once our water got shut off-one morning it simply didn't turn on@_@ as far as we knew, it was paid...my husband called the water company, and turns out it was a clerical error on their part, it was our neighbor that was about to have his water shut off. but they accidentally shut off ours. they got it working within the hour, so that was good. the front door latch gave out with the strong winds, we found a way to fasten the door shut from the inside with string when it is blowing very hard. blankets and layers of sweaters and lengths of fabric supplement the shades and curtains for protection and warmth. due to the weather we've had mice again, several of them. again, luck on our side that we've been able to catch them in the traps. and one of the worst things, we missed the garbage truck on both holiday(Thanksgiving and Christmas)weeks, so we accumulated trash in the house for a while-_- but we're getting it out, bit by bit.
...darkness and chaos concluded 2014, although having my husband's family over for the holidays was the closest to a feeling of solidarity for the both of us, since my mother passed away. so many arguments and negativity passed around, yet joyous, tender moments too... perhaps an odd side effect of strife and suffering is an outpouring of art and expression. not always, of course. but negative energy as well as positive energies Can be channeled into drawing, or writing...or painting or taking pictures. or other various crafts.
as for art... i've loosened my policy of no requests...i've been very biased and accommodating with some, others i barely communicate with. i admit that. blatant favoritism? maybe. in order to give attention i must also ignore. and it switches and flips, rotating and reversing, depending on my mood and mental location. probably very rude and pretentious of me, even when good money is involved(not counting the fact i have no idea how to convert points back into real money), the ones willing to purchase my work, even they now begin to fall behind in my priorities. to those deviants i apologize. most likely incredibly bad for business. i'm losing my social faculties, operating only partly on etiquette. some of you i've 'known' for a while, you have followed me and watched me, i may have granted you a request in the past, or promised ones that are still in the making. some i only know recently and on a 'business' basis. some of you i've become very good friends with, and collaborated alongside, made things only visible in the mind a real image on paper. only a few i've had conflicts and issues with. the vast majority of you, though, this new influx of watchers i don't know whatsoever, but your eyes are upon me, seeking me. i feel it, i see it, i sense it. so i become elusive within my own realm as a coping mechanism. are your intentions honest and benign? or are they secret malevolence waiting for me?
the papers for our re-certification came in the mail, plus our inspection is coming up. this one is our first with our new landlord. dental appointments that i had to reschedule due to the weather and having no transportation...those are getting closer and closer*sigh* we need our caseworker's help with things... some things i need to know how to do on my own...like i said, paying attention to one area of my life means i let down another, in this case my real life, the struts and rafters, supports and foundation of Lavenderland.
we need a few things, sundry items. i use a particular kind of floss, and i need some more fluoride rinse. and some more toothpaste. and i really really need to cut my hair, trim my bangs again. all the dry cold air makes my skin itchyDX its a 50/50% chance that we get a ride where we need to be or having to walk. i'm so very tired at the moment, my thoughts are all disjointed, even more so than usual. it is most likely the brutally cold weather that is so exhausting. i keep having dreams that i don't recall fully but it strongly feels that they are all related, re-occurring images and themes, they must mean something significant... maybe now that i have put down a new entry for the year 2015, a rough summary of what has happened-its been very tough-it will help put it in perspective for us.